Hello..
I've was on ESA (SG) for a long while, a claim that I ended myself as I went abroad (on the cheap) for a couple of months. I got together ideas about running my own small business and came back all fired up - this had been the idea of the trip, as I was beginning to feel worse in myself like I needed a plan to get off benefits and with some happy memories after everything that's happened.
Unfortunately although the trip was a real boost the core issues I have were/are still there - intrusive overwhelming memories, days where I'm so low I can barely function, disturbed sleep etc... I have learnt to work round these fairly successfully but it seems completely incompatible with paid employment due to needing ludicrously flexi time and working from home most days. Incidentally, I am soon to start psychotherapy (NHS - been waiting 3 yrs!) which I have been told may well exacerbate symptoms at first (fine if I can work around them but not good for workplace or JSA conditions...)
So... 4 weeks ago I put in a claim for JSA and was sure that my next appt. was today. I'm sure I remember the advisor apologising that there weren't appointments sooner as they were so busy at the moment.
Anyway, turns out there was another appointment I missed 2 weeks ago. I didn't get any letters notifying me but my claim was cancelled, just found out. I can reapply but haven't had the past 4 weeks money even though I've been looking for jobs! The other problem, I was going to ask on here but just kept trying to kid myself it'd be ok... is that I don't actually think I'm well enough to work at the moment, at least not the way the jobcentre mean. Although I can be very productive I cannot sustain regular working times, for example.
I did try to ask my doctor for a fit/sick note when I was having an update type appointment, but I was too scared to ask outright, especially as I had to explain that my problems hadn't magically disappeared just because I was sporting a tan. It's so frustrating trying to be positive about things then people just go "oh, you're fine!" without knowing just how much effort it took just to see them. I ended up having another appt. with my doctor last week because I was getting very low and dark thoughts and feeling unable to move and zoned out because I was so terrified about all this. I managed to explain my history (he's only been my dr. about 18 months) so he knows it's an ongoing thing with goodness knows how many letters saying I need psychotherapy (v. hard to get) and that is all that will help. I even explained about the self-employment plan so he wouldn't think I was trying to skive and knew I'm trying to get back to work. But he still wouldn't write a sick note unless JC+ specifically tell him to!
JSA has rapidly pushed me back to struggling everyday, it seems so counter-productive to grind me into the ground and make me unable to cope at a basic level (now struggling to eat, sleep, being dissociated from reality often, suicidal)... I had a plan, I was trying my best. Why can't they see I need time and I will be off their hands... I still haven't had any treatment ffs! Even then I was hoping to be set up self employed by the end of the summer, but they hound me into jobs I won't get and can't do and it takes any hope away.
I'm sorry if it's rambly, just terrified and feeling so triggered because being trapped and destitute and not helped is part of my horrible memories, I keep thinking I should just go now and live on the street because I can't bear to see it all fall apart again and lose everything. Sorry, sounds mad but this is making me mad.
I've was on ESA (SG) for a long while, a claim that I ended myself as I went abroad (on the cheap) for a couple of months. I got together ideas about running my own small business and came back all fired up - this had been the idea of the trip, as I was beginning to feel worse in myself like I needed a plan to get off benefits and with some happy memories after everything that's happened.
Unfortunately although the trip was a real boost the core issues I have were/are still there - intrusive overwhelming memories, days where I'm so low I can barely function, disturbed sleep etc... I have learnt to work round these fairly successfully but it seems completely incompatible with paid employment due to needing ludicrously flexi time and working from home most days. Incidentally, I am soon to start psychotherapy (NHS - been waiting 3 yrs!) which I have been told may well exacerbate symptoms at first (fine if I can work around them but not good for workplace or JSA conditions...)
So... 4 weeks ago I put in a claim for JSA and was sure that my next appt. was today. I'm sure I remember the advisor apologising that there weren't appointments sooner as they were so busy at the moment.
Anyway, turns out there was another appointment I missed 2 weeks ago. I didn't get any letters notifying me but my claim was cancelled, just found out. I can reapply but haven't had the past 4 weeks money even though I've been looking for jobs! The other problem, I was going to ask on here but just kept trying to kid myself it'd be ok... is that I don't actually think I'm well enough to work at the moment, at least not the way the jobcentre mean. Although I can be very productive I cannot sustain regular working times, for example.
I did try to ask my doctor for a fit/sick note when I was having an update type appointment, but I was too scared to ask outright, especially as I had to explain that my problems hadn't magically disappeared just because I was sporting a tan. It's so frustrating trying to be positive about things then people just go "oh, you're fine!" without knowing just how much effort it took just to see them. I ended up having another appt. with my doctor last week because I was getting very low and dark thoughts and feeling unable to move and zoned out because I was so terrified about all this. I managed to explain my history (he's only been my dr. about 18 months) so he knows it's an ongoing thing with goodness knows how many letters saying I need psychotherapy (v. hard to get) and that is all that will help. I even explained about the self-employment plan so he wouldn't think I was trying to skive and knew I'm trying to get back to work. But he still wouldn't write a sick note unless JC+ specifically tell him to!
JSA has rapidly pushed me back to struggling everyday, it seems so counter-productive to grind me into the ground and make me unable to cope at a basic level (now struggling to eat, sleep, being dissociated from reality often, suicidal)... I had a plan, I was trying my best. Why can't they see I need time and I will be off their hands... I still haven't had any treatment ffs! Even then I was hoping to be set up self employed by the end of the summer, but they hound me into jobs I won't get and can't do and it takes any hope away.
I'm sorry if it's rambly, just terrified and feeling so triggered because being trapped and destitute and not helped is part of my horrible memories, I keep thinking I should just go now and live on the street because I can't bear to see it all fall apart again and lose everything. Sorry, sounds mad but this is making me mad.